


Five Proceedings of the We Hate Cordelia Club

by Francis_Eugene



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:55:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26635459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Francis_Eugene/pseuds/Francis_Eugene
Summary: Exactly what the title says.
Kudos: 6





	Five Proceedings of the We Hate Cordelia Club

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Losses](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/689977) by apckrfan. 



> This an updated version of the original posted on LJ (see end notes)

**Title:** Five Proceedings of the We Hate Cordelia Club  
**Summary:** Exactly what the title says  
**Spoilers:** Through BtVS:Choosen and AtS:You're Welcome  


* * *

"I call together this executive session of our new club," Willow announced as importantly as she could, puffing out her chest. She desperately tried to lower her naturally high-pitched voice to something more suitably pompous for the occasion. 

Jesse and Xander, sitting cross-legged on the floor beside Willow's bed, stopped their tussling and rolled their eyes at how serious their best buddy Willow was being about this. It didn't matter they hardly knew what she was saying. 

"What's zecutive?" asked Jesse. 

"EX-zecutive!" 

"Willow, it's just a club." 

Willow directed a venomous glare toward Xander. "It's important, Xander!" Her face was scrunched and red with anger, little fists balled at her side. "How else can we get back at that meanie-bikini?!" 

Xander couldn't help smiling, she was so darned cute when angry. 

On the other hand, Jesse, quickly bored again, looked like he'd rather be playing with his Tonka trucks. "A club's gotta have a name. What are we going to call it?" he asked petulantly. 

Willow relaxed, sat back and nibbled on her lip as she tried to figure out a name. "Well, we're doing this 'cause we hate her, right? We'll just call it the 'We Hate Cordelia Club'." 

Xander nodded and thought for moment, silently counting out on his fingertips. He suddenly smiled. "That means we're WHaCCy!" He rolled on the floor, laughing. "Get it?" he said between gasps, "Wuh-Ha-kee? WHaCCy!" 

Jesse started to get up and leave when Willow reached over and yanked him back. He reluctantly settled down. "But what are we going to do?" Jesse's voice had now acquired an annoying whiny note. 

"We tell each other about all the mean things she's done," promptly answered Willow. 

"So? We do that already," replied Xander. 

Willow grinned wickedly. "But this time we figure out how to get back at her. And we make plans and we really do them!" She nodded her head quite firmly, indicating her resolve. Then she looked at both boys and primly informed them, "And I'm President." 

"Hey!" Jesse got up and pointed at Willow. "Girls can't be President! How come I'm not President?" 

Willow frowned, genuinely perplexed at Jesse's offense. "Because I hate her the most." 

"No, I do!" Xander loudly corrected. 

"Then you have to run everything." Then Willow smugly added, "And the meetings have to be at your house." 

"You can be President," Xander quickly amended. "But what do I get to be?" 

Jesse jumped in before Xander had a chance to make a claim. "I'm vice-President!" 

"Now there's nothing left." Xander slouched, disheartened that once again he'd never get to be anything cool. 

Jesse teased Xander. "You can be the secertary and do all the stuff like my dad's does, writing and taking orders and stuff," 

Xander felt on the verge of tears. 

"I know, you can be Treasurer!" Willow told him enthusiastically. 

"Treasure? I don't want to be the money." 

"No, no, no! You _count_ the money," Willow explained patiently. "It's like, ummm, like being the banker in Monopoly." 

Xander's face crinkled into a big grin. "Oh, that's easy." 

"So, Treasurer, how much money do we have?" 

Xander fished around in his pockets and looked at the small pile in his hand. "We have...um, forty-five cents, a Matchbox car... and yesterday's chewing gum." He held out his hand to show off all the loot they had. 

"So I had this idea, y'know, after she said those things about your drawing." 

Willow was pleased Jesse was much more enthusiastic now that he had executive power. 

"First, we get a squirt gun," Jesse began explaining, "and some ink, and we wait over by Mrs. Congleton's door, and then when Cordelia comes around the corner blabbing to her friends..." 

––– 

"Old news?" Willow looked across her bed at her two best friends. 

Xander shrugged. "I got nothing." He looked at Jesse. Jesse shrugged in return. 

"New news?" asked a hopeful Willow. 

The boys' eyes went wide and their bored demeanor changed immediately. 

"Man, did you see what she was wearing today?!" Jesse was virtually panting, and there was definite drool factor. 

"Woo-hoo!" Xander loudly agreed, whipping his hand back and forth like he'd touched something scorching hot. 

They started talking excitedly about the tight, low-cut dress Cordelia had been wearing earlier that day. 

Willow, however, was less than enthused by this "new" news. She grit her teeth and counted to ten. "Guys, we're the _Hate_ Cordelia club, not the Lust after Cordelia club!" She puffed out a breath in disgust. 

Xander and Jesse broke off their yakking, both blinking at this odd concept of Willow's. Then they shared a knowing look, smiling at Willow's naivete. Jesse nodded for Xander to tutor Willow. 

"We can both hate her," Xander said, patiently explaining the mystery of men to Willow, "and lust after her. We're men, we can do those sorts of things." Jesse was nodding his head in vigorous agreement. 

Still disgusted, Willow banged the table with the gavel she had found at the flea market, adjourning the meeting before things got even more out of hand. 

––– 

"I call to order this session of the We Hate Cordelia Club," Willow intoned. 

"Isn't this getting kind of old, Will? I mean, we're in high school, and it's just the two of us, and, and...I don't know. It's like, what's the point anymore?" 

Willow took hold of Xander's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I know Jesse's gone. All the more reason to continue. He'd want us to as-as a way to, ah, to... honor him. Yeah." 

Xander, rolling his eyes, was less than convinced. 

"We still hate her, right, Xander?" Willow asked a bit desperately. 

Xander made a face. "Well, yeah! After what she said this morning at the mall. But—" 

"Then we're on," she firmly proclaimed. "Treasurer, what are our funds?" 

Xander sighed. He reached in and dug some coins out of one of his pockets. In another pocket he found a dirty and crumpled-up bill. He poked around at the small pile in his palm. 

"We have, um, five dollars and sixty-three, no, sixty-four cents." 

Willow's face twisted in disappointment. "Is that enough for a can of spray-paint? I was thinking we could tag her car." 

"Willow!" Xander was genuinely surprised. That was surprisingly mean of her. 

"Just kidding. Sort of." 

They both fell silent as they tried to think of what they could do with their five dollars and sixty-four cents. 

Xander snapped his fingers. "How about some ice-cream at Jo-Jo's?" 

Willow's frown quickly turned upside down. "Sounds perfect! Meeting adjourned." 

Beaming brightly, Willow linked arms with Xander and off they went. 

"When do you think Buffy will get back?" she asked for the zillionth time that summer. 

––– 

"This is boring." Xander kicked at a headstone. "Is this guy ever going to rise?" 

"Anybody bring cards?" asked Oz, "I'll bet even fifty-two card pickup takes on new dimensions of excitement in a Sunnydale graveyard at night." 

Willow was sitting on top of a nearby crypt, idly swinging her feet. "How about a meeting of the We Hate Cordelia Club?" 

Xander's irritation with Willow's suggestion was clear from the sudden tension in his posture. "She's _still_ my girlfriend, Will." Xander frowned. "At least I think so. Look, just because she's off in Mexico for the summer doesn't mean we should keep harping on it. Besides, it doesn't really work if only one of us hates her. And even you don't really hate her anymore. Do you?" 

Willow made a sour face as she looked away from Xander. "Well, I suppose you're right. But I don't really like her either." 

Oz had been looking back and forth between the two. "What's this? You guys had a club? To hate on Cordelia?" 

Xander turned to Oz. "Yeah. It was a thing," he said before looking significantly back at Willow. "A very-long-time-ago thing." Xander watched Willow to be sure she got the message. 

Willow ignored him and eagerly went on to explain everything to Oz. Xander huffed and stomped off a few paces. 

"...and we'd have these meetings to talk about stuff she did, and we'd figure out how to get back at her, so we made plans, and yeah, I know it sounds kind of lame now, but back then it was really kinda cool 'cause it was us against the Cordettes, you know, an us versus them thing, and—" 

"No, that's cool, I'm down with it. So like real meetings, huh?" 

"Yeah. And I was President. And I had a gavel." Willow looked at Xander, still standing off a few yards, watching impassively. 

Oz followed Willow's gaze and also waited for Xander. 

Xander sighed. "Treasurer." 

"So how does this work?" 

"Well, first we'd get together—at my house usually—and then I'd call the meeting to order. Like this: 'I call to order this session of the We Hate Cordelia Club'. And then I'd say, 'Old news?'" 

"Y'know, I could never figure that part out," admitted Xander, finally rejoining them and sitting down next to Oz so they both faced Willow. 

"Neither could I, but that's what you're supposed to do. So...new news?" 

"Isn't that kind of redundant?" Oz whispered to Xander. 

"Just go with it," advised Xander. Oz nodded sagely. 

Since the boys had no new news Willow spoke up. "I nominate Oz as a new member of the club." 

"Seconded," Xander automatically answered in a tired voice. 

"But I don't hate her," Oz pointed out reasonably. 

"Neither do I...most of the time. Just keep going, it's easier in the long run." Again, Oz nodded sagely. 

"Nomination accepted. All those in favor?" called Willow, immediately raising her hand. She glared at Xander, who had his hands shoved in his pockets. 

Xander, getting the message, slowly raised his hand. 

"The ayes have it. We welcome our new member." Willow gave Oz a quick and discreet hug, along with a peck on the cheek. 

"That's it? No ceremony, no certificate, no kinky bondage sex rites of passage?" 

Willow blushed to her roots. 

"Uh, vampire." Xander pointed across the way, already getting to his feet. 

"Meeting adjourned," hastily said Willow, racing after the boys. 

––– 

Overly gay laughter cut through the crowd noise in The Bronze, turning Xander's head. 

Sitting on Oz's lap, Willow looked to see where Xander was sullenly glaring. "We could—" 

"No." 

––– 

The trip up from Africa had been long, rough, very uncomfortable and very tiring. After a much needed nap, Xander saw he wasn't scheduled to meet Giles for yet another hour. Prowling around the quarters provided to him at the Council House, he was pleased to discover the kitchenette space included a fully stocked refrigerator. He grabbed a bottle of a local ale, which he carried back with him as he got started on unpacking his duffel bag. 

Halfway through the shirts he heard a light knock on his door. "Hey, Will!" He grinned broadly, immediately gathering her up in a crushing hug. "I didn't think you were getting in until tomorrow." Xander eventually released his best friend in the entire world, setting her gently back on her feet. 

Fairly breathless from the embrace, Willow laughed a little and then explained how she was able to get an earlier flight. He put his arm around her waist and led her over to the sofa by the open window. He remained standing while she sat, tucking her legs up under her. 

"Can I get you something? Beer? Wine? Juice? The Council doth amply provide." Xander waved at the refrigerator. 

Willow cocked her head while she took a moment to consider. "Red wine would be nice." 

Xander fetched a bottle and glass, opened it and poured for her, handing over the glass when he was done, and sat down on the sofa across from her. Before taking a sip, Willow held the glass up into the sunshine streaming through the window, watching the shifting sparkles as the burgundy liquid rolled about. 

They chatted for several minutes, exchanging meaningless yet necessary pleasantries, avoiding more serious topics for the moment. But more quickly than they would have thought possible they ran out of things to say. 

Finally Xander asked, "How's Rio?" Willow looked at Xander through the glass, hiding her own face. She knew who he was really asking about. 

"We're good, I think. I hope." Willow frowned. "It's just so difficult sometimes, we're so different, and, and..." 

Xander reached across and squeezed her free hand. "You guys will be fine. You'll find your way, whichever way that is. And if all else fails, well hey, you always have the Xand-man." 

Willow squeezed back, perhaps more firmly than she had intended. "I know, Xander. And thanks." In a sudden shift of mood, Willow let go of his hand and quickly sat up straighter. "And what about you? Africa looks good on you, you look great! All tanned and tough and rugged, like Indiana Jones crossed with James Bond, and a touch of Jack Sparrow. Only even more cool!" Willow's smile shone with pride in her Xander. 

Xander waved his hand and scoffed, "Ha, such pansies!" They shared a laugh and then settled down as Xander became more thoughtful. "But you're right, it has been good. You know I miss you guys like crazy, but y'know, being on my own for once, getting the job done. It's all good." Xander returned Willow's proud smile, remembering all that he'd accomplished in Africa, virtually single-handed. 

But on the tails of the good memories came the bad. His expression grew pensively dark as he stared at the floor. "Well, mostly good. I've lost a few. Some really great girls." Xander gave a quick look back up at Willow. "You would've liked them, Will, especially Latia." 

Willow maintained her smile even as it became a sad one, taking his hand in hers. "I know I would have." 

Xander bobbed his head but said nothing further, staring through the floor. 

Willow, remembering something, looked upon him with soft concerned eyes, spoke hesitantly. "Xander, y-you heard the news last year, right?" 

"I'm not—huh? News? What news?" 

Willow set her glass down and glanced away, avoiding Xander's confused inquiring look, not sure how to break this. "Buffy told me," she began carefully, "that Cordelia, that she—" 

Xander's shoulders suddenly rose and fell with a deep in-drawn breath. He set his beer down on the floor and brought his hands up, pressing fingertips against his forehead, hiding his face. His voice was muffled as he spoke. "Yeah. Yeah, I heard. From Giles. It... it hit me harder than I could've believed." He took another deep breath. "Y'know, it's just, it's just—" 

He in fact does _not_ know what it just is, except that it just still hurts as much as the day Giles called. 

When Xander let his hands fall into his lap Willow noticed a shininess in his eye. She slid across the sofa and pulled him into another close hug. "I'm so sorry." She felt Xander shudder against her and held him tighter. 

"Cordelia dead," he mumbled into her shoulder. "Two words I could never imagine together, even when we hated her. So unreal, so inconceivable! Like it doesn't seem...Like she's going to bust through that door any second now and start insulting us for the losers we still are, then smile and light up the room as she tells us about the latest spring fashions from Paris." 

Willow released him and he fell back against the sofa, eye closed, letting his head roll all the way back. Xander heard her rustling beside him and he turned his head slightly and peered through a partially opened eye. He saw a look he recognized, one of her "I've got a good idea" looks. 

"Let's do it, Xander! One last meeting." 

"Huh?" He sat up straighter. He had no idea what she could be talking about. 

"The We Hate Cordelia Club. Let's have a meeting. The last one." 

Xander shook his head uncertainly. "I really don't think this is the time for something like that." 

"No, Xander, it's the perfect time, you'll see!" Willow was practically bouncing with enthusiasm. 

Though very reluctant, he knew he could never refuse her. They shifted about as Willow got herself ready. She rapped her knuckles on the small table beside her end of the sofa. "I officially call to order this meeting of the We Hate Cordelia Club. First, old news." 

"Will—" Xander began plaintively. He got 'The Look' again in return for his feeble effort. Xander sighed. "I still don't know what that means. Either way, I don't think there is any." 

"New news." 

"Cor—?" Xander choked slightly, unable to finish her name. "She counts?" 

"Yeah." For a moment Willow also looked like she might fall apart, but she gathered herself and continued, managing to keep the waver in her voice to a minimum. "Treasurer, what do we have in our funds?" 

Xander slowly dug out his wallet and also pulled a some coins from one of his pockets. He flicked the coins about in his palm with his finger, then counted up the various bills. "Um, eight dollars and twenty-seven cents. Thirteen pounds and forty. Thirty euros. And four rands." 

Willow solemnly nodded her head, as if somehow it all really mattered. 

"In light of the new news, on the agenda today I move that we dissolve, permanently and forever, this esteemed and august organization." 

Xander smiled and shook his head. Nobody could do exceedingly pompous and make it work like his Willow. She looked at him again, silently chiding him for his lack of proper protocol. With a start he realized what she was waiting for and lifted his hand. "Seconded." 

"A motion is put before the group. All that say aye?" 

"Aye," said Xander, followed in turn by Willow. 

"I see a quorum is in attendance and a majority vote aye. The ayes have it, the motion carries. Forthwith I, Willow Rosenberg, President of the We Hate Cordelia Club, and Xander Harris, Treasurer of said organization, do declare at the close of these proceedings this body is officially dissolved." 

Xander nodded his head for a moment, then looked about, giving Willow a rueful questioning lift of his brow. "Now what?" 

"A toast, I think." Willow twisted around to pick up her glass from the table and raised it. Xander held up the bottle he retrieved from the floor. They reached across the space between them and clinked them together softly. 

"Cordy," said Xander with a voice gone shaky again. 

"Cordelia," echoed Willow in a whisper. 

They both took sips then set down their glass and bottle and leaned toward each other to hug tightly again, supporting each other. After a minute or so Willow felt Xander nod his head against her shoulder and they let go, smiling sadly, regarding each other with tender care and affection, feeling a little bit better. 

In the ensuing silence Willow rapped three times on the table. 

"Meeting adjourned." 

_fin_

**Author's Note:**

> The most obvious update is the addition of one more vignette (yet the title is still accurate: there are only 5 official meetings of the club).
> 
> Less obvious is a smoother transition in the last vignette, when Willow first brings up the news of Cordelia's death. (I was never happy with the original, which seemed too abrupt.). There are a few other minor changes not worth citing.
> 
> It is hands-down the most well received work I've ever posted on LJ. If I'm not mistaken, it first started with a rec by frogfarm, followed in turn by beer_good_foamy recommending it on BBF.
> 
> As noted, this was inspired by a story from apckrfan, in particular the last scene of the final meeting. You'll see some similarities if you compare the two, especially the deep enduring friendship between Xander and Willow.


End file.
